missybrar's posterous

I was running late, again. Flustered, I raced off the tube in heels, my out of control curly hair making me look like medusa, but without the evil connotations I hoped. I’d planned to be there early, have a coffee, gather my thoughts so that I was the one in control of the meeting. I’d never met him before and first impressions are crucial, especially when you need someone to trust you and warm to you naturally.

But I wasn’t early. I was barely going to be on time, as I growled at pedestrians dawdling in my way. I turned the corner and slowed to a normal pace and casually walked to the hotel we were meeting. I saw him just as I got there, walking up the stairs in front of me.

I didn’t know it was him, but it was a Bank Holiday Monday and he looked, I want to say ‘lost’ but that’s not true. He looked ... content.

He called me on the mobile and I walked up to answer him in person. ‘Hi you must be Phillip, I’m Kuldeep.’

He turned and gave me a smile that beamed; his eyes sparkled as did his energy.

Not in a flirty way but a ‘it’s really cool to meet you’ kind of way. His face was serene, calm, confident; so open and happy. Instead of me worrying about making him feel comfortable, I’m the one who suddenly forgot all the rushing and completely relaxed. I smiled back and we walked to the business club lounge, both of us feeling really comfortable and talking with ease.

Most people are friendly when you first meet them, but when you meet them to interview them on video there’s always an air of reticence. Naturally, they’re concerned about how they’ll come across. So unless I’m with a consummate professional like best-selling author and speaker Mike Dooley, I often have to spend a bit of time talking to them to get them to open up and relax. Not with Phillip, he was genuinely relaxed, positive and open.

He’s in his early 20’s and unlike some men his age, he didn’t feel the need to be closed or defensive whilst he tried to get a sense of what he was in for.

Phillip was hugely trusting and really enthusiastic. The video interview was about Phillip’s experiences on Raleigh International; a trust that offers young people the chance to go on expeditions and volunteer on international projects. It's also famous for being the gap year Will and Kate went on together. It was to support Eddie Botsio's forthcoming photography exhibition to raise money and widen participation for those from less privileged back-grounds. The challenge with interviewing young people is that they often either take ages to warm up or you get snippets of ‘too cool for school' – back handed nuggets rather than meaningful quotes. Once they trust you, they’ll share more, but it’s tricky getting them to do that whilst pointing a camera when they’ve only just met you.

Phillip was brilliant, he was enthusiastic but measured. Warm but poised.

He knew what he was about and had the confidence to say it.

It was obvious that his experiences really made a huge impact on him and he was keen to help others.

I sensed that from the moment I first met him.

‘You had me at hello’ is cheesy, but I often get a sense of how self-assured someone is from the way they first great you.

Is their eye contact is genuine or assessing, handshake warm or limp and their smile real or fake?  I can tell in an instant whether I’m going to really enjoy someone’s company or whether I’m going to have to work at it.

For me, being around someone who can hold their gaze when they’re talking to you is a sign that they’re really interested in what you have to say and feel confident enough to share their views in return.

 In that sense, Phillip did have me at hello. It wasn’t just because he was passionate about Raleigh and keen to share his experience; it was because he gives an air of really being interested in the people he meets. It makes him likeable and memorable – someone you’d work with, have a coffee with and share stories with. When we finished the interview, he talked about his career aims and hopes. I offered him my advice, not that he needed it, having just interviewed him, I know he’d sail through interviews.  

Like me, he’d have them at hello!

Find out more about Raleigh International here

Find out more about Eddie Botsio's exhibition

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