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"Women Who Run With The Wolves"

The title of the book I’m reading and perhaps also an apt description of one of my women’s networking evenings.

I’d hoped the book “Women Who Run With The Wolves”, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, was a female version of “Dancing With Wolves”, by Michael Blake later becoming the film with Kevin Costner larking around with Native American Tribesmen. Failing that, I hoped it would be a reflective philosophical take on solitude. Not because I’m in a hermit, but because it reminds me of being away on a retreat; a chance to slow down and appreciate the simple things in life.

The book is just such a tonic. It’s a meaty tome but it does delve into the human psyche to question how and why our connection to nature, ourselves and each other has been eroded away. It is a riot of female expression and exploration on many different levels. But above else it’s an awakening; a reminder of female wisdom and that we are all more whole than we realise, even, or perhaps especially, when we’re alone.

The parallel to my women’s networking evening comes from the stories that emerge on what we women want in relationships.... (this also echoes from my conversations with men)

Creating possibilities through meeting people and widening our social circle, rather than orchestrated get-togethers to meet ‘someone’ of the opposite sex.  Women want to meet other great women and great men for that matter, in a context where you’re able to be who you are. Creating situations in which connections, friendships and possible relationships can naturally bloom.

Finding “me”. Not in a self indulgent way, but rather a deep awareness that in order to be a ‘great’ person we have to spend time discovering who we are. Whether it’s through travel, arts, sports or nature; finding our passion both helps us live life more fully but also makes us more attractive to others.

Mentoring and support. The recognition that we’re all at different stages; some trying to heal from a past wound, others taking time out from the dating scene, some are ready to meet someone new and others in various stages of a relationship. All of us carry unique challenges, joys and points of reflection. Sharing these life stages, served as a reminder that we are more connected and have more in common that we realise.

Discussions such as these from my networking evening with ten amazing women last week reminded me of a passage from the book:

“A woman must choose her friends and lovers wisely.... we often invest them with the power of a great magician .... but they can endanger or destroy our connection to our own cycles and ideas..... Having a lover who regards you as a living growing criatura being, just as much as the tree from the ground...a lover who looks at you as a true living breathing entity, one that is human but made of .... magical things as well.... a lover and friends who support the criatura in you ... these are the people you are looking for. They will be the friends of your soul” (p 106)

So what do women want? They want to be with someone who makes them feel alive. But they’re not waiting to be rescued, quite the contrary;

“I want to be with a man who is so proud of who he is that he won’t need to compete with me”.

We want our equal, we want to challenge and be challenge in return. We want to feel the roots of our inner critatura as the book says, so that the part of us that we sit with in our solitude is ignited by another soul who wants to run or dance with wolves now and again.

Now I’m not going to play a play a John Barry soundtrack with a prancing wolf with puppy eyes just yet, but there is something to be said for seeking to connect to each other at a deeper level. Are we so cynical in our lives that we’ve forgotten how to look each other in the eye, whether friend or potential lover and share where our deepest joy comes from? If my networking group is anything to go by, the answer is no, we haven’t forgotten, we’ve just lost the art of how to be great with each other, including wolves of the opposite sex.

All that's left is an epic sound track .... all yours John;

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